I am so sorry that I completely dropped off the radar for so long. Hot Lips and I took a month long road trip followed by a transcontinental move to South Korea. I completely planned on writing when we first got here in September (especially since I had some exciting things I wanted to share) but with the drama of staying in a hotel for a month while trying to find a place to live, then receiving our household goods, setting up our apartment and finding a place to worship, writing took a back seat to navigating life in a foreign country.
Last year on this very day (March 11th) I was boarding an airplane headed to Hawaii to be at my dear friend’s wedding. I was about a week away from finishing a 30 Day Green Smoothie Challenge (which meant adding 1 green smoothie a day to my diet for 30 days with recipes and shopping lists for free from Young and Raw). I mentioned this program on my first blog post here that talks about my journey to my juice fast.
However, even though I was headed to one of the most beautiful places on the planet, inside, I was a complete mess and in a spiritual crisis. Just 4 days before I found out that our 5th fertility treatment in 2 years had not worked. To top it off, the day after finding out this news while at synagogue, a young couple in our congregation was called up to the front to be prayed over as they announced their exciting news; they were expecting. I closed my eyes and prayed for them but the tears started and didn’t stop. After the prayer, the rabbi started his message. My husband and I had lunch plans for after the service with a couple we were eager to get to know better but I leaned over and whispered I needed to go home after the service, tears still silently falling from my eyes. In my husband’s compassionate wisdom, he leaned over and asked me if I needed to leave now-I said yes, immediately got up and walked outside. By the time I got outside, my silent tears turned into angry sobs. I was furious with G-d. A close friend of mine was outside when I got there and tried to comfort me but there was no comforting me by that time. All I could say is that no loving parent would put their child through what I was going through at that moment and was seriously questioning G-d’s existence in that moment..I was pretty much cursing him at that point and all I could say about it was If He is who He says He is, He can take it. It was pretty ugly. G-d knew I would be out of town the next weekend-why didn’t He put it on the Rabbi’s heart to have the congregation pray for this couple the following week? I still don’t know the answer, but thankfully, with the support of my friends and family both near and far, I didn’t stay in that crisis for too long. While in Hawaii, I connected with several people who I have known since I first developed a personal relationship with G-d back in 2003 and they supported me and helped me move to the other side of the crisis with no judgement. In addition, I had the support of my rabbi and friends from our home congregation in NC who I knew were praying for me.
The beginning of my journey to health can be read back on my first blog post…the exciting news I wanted to share after my 60 day juice fast is that after 5 years of trying, 5 rounds of unsuccessful fertility treatments in 2 years, during the cycle following my juice fast, we finally conceived!!! I am currently 38 weeks pregnant and feeling pretty great all things considered. During pregnancy I did have to increase my insulin and did have some struggles with keeping my sugars regulated. However, overall, it’s been going quite well. I am considered high risk because of my diabetic status and at my age I’m considered “elderly pregnant” (at the ripe old age of 38). I did add animal protein back into my diet at around 6 weeks. My juice fast really helped me to make new decisions about what foods I put in my body and I rarely eat foods that are void of any nutritional value…although this third trimester has seen an increase of vanilla Hagen Daz ice cream and milk chocolate…but if that’s the worst of it, I am doing OK…I have gained 33lbs this pregnancy and am confident I’ll be able to shed them after our precious bundle arrives. His estimated due date is 3/25 but I’m thinking maybe he’ll come early…if he’s anything like his dad, that is possible. If he takes after me, we are in trouble because being early is not my strength.
This time last year I was furious with G-d, heartbroken and upset and fearing I would never be a parent. Now I am 38 weeks pregnant with a 2 page birth plan and preparing to pack my hospital bag. I am hopeful and looking forward to meeting my son. What a difference a year makes!